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Salamun Alaikum,

A couple of weeks ago I attended an equal opportunity seminar.  There we discussed how we perceive people based on what we have been taught by our parents, cultural background, and even religious teachings.  One of the presenters showed a slide that hit me like a ton of bricks.  It was a slide with a picture of an iceberg on it.

The tip of the iceberg (above water) held the words "Race, gender, ethnicity."  Just below the surface were the words "Sexual orientation, religion, education." The further down into the water the iceberg went, the larger it became and the more personal the descriptions used.  Basically, the tip of the iceberg were the things that people could deduce about someone just from seeing them.  Below the water line were things that people would only know if they some sort of relationship with that person.

I realized that whenever anyone saw me, the first words that came to mind were "muslim woman."  Most other people in the world have to tell others what their religious beliefs are, but mine are sewn on my sleeve for everyone to see.  For the first time since converting to Islam, I realized I didn't want anyone to know what I believed.  I wanted my relationship with God to be a personal one.

It's not that I am ashamed at all...I just get tired of being the poster child for Islam.  It is exhausting living in a country where very few women wear hijaab.  Everywhere I turn I see news articles, protests, reality shows all talking about the life of a muslim woman.  It's almost as if I have no privacy...everyone thinks I am oppressed, brain washed, uneducated.  I am far from any of that.  My hijaab has almost become a super hero's cape.  Well, this super muslimah is ready to retire.

Not wearing it doesn't make me any less of a muslim in my opinion.  It's the sincerity and depth of my worship to Allah that is most important. 

I had happened upon the site before and had to pry myself away from it.  I loved being able to truly understand what I was reading for once, as I find that many "God Alone" forums/articles are a chore to read.  I can be a very fickle individual, so if an article doesn't get my attention within the first paragraph, I tend to move on.

Like another user here, I started off as a Christian.  I went through several denominations, and each time discovered something ill-placed.  Just before I converted to Islam I was a few weeks away from being baptized as a Jehovah's Witness.  When I look back on everything, I realize that each chapter in my journey left me stronger than the one before it.  I feel like Islam is the icing on the cake, so to speak.  There is no other way for me to go.

Unfortunately, I started out following with Sunni way, but things just never  sat right with me.  It began with the pointing of the finger during prayer.  Then I began questioning all of the rules and points systems.  Right hand this, left foot that, spit over your shoulder 3 times, don't sleep on your stomach.  I just couldn't imagine that God was keeping tally of how many good and bad deeds I did...I imagined Him to be a scorekeeper during a bowling game...How could a God so powerful need to keep score?

One day my husband told me that he said that "We don't hold any prophet over another...they are all equal."  I looked at him in disbelief and said "Are you serious?  We do everything the Prophet Muhammed did down to a T...we hold him in higher regard than any other prophet!"  He got angry then, and referred me to a friend who quickly told me I was wrong.  He told me what the Qur'an said, and I understood.  I told him "I know what we are supposed to do, but I am telling you that we as Muslims hold the Prophet Muhammed in higher regard than any other prophet." 

Needless to say, I was shut down very quickly after that..."How can you let a woman lead you through the deen?" 

I was terrified at first to take the step into God Alone, but now I feel extremely confident that this is the right way. 

I pray that Allah leads us all down the straight path, and protects us from the false worship that surrounds us.