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Offline Reader Questions

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Seeking Permission in Marriage
« on: December 22, 2013, 01:32:14 AM »
Assalamu Alaikum,

My name is [Name removed] and I'm from Bangladesh. Before I ask my question, I just want to say that I'm so glad that I've come across your website and found out so many wonderful things about your work. Before I read the articles on your website, I felt terrible about how the hadiths degrade women. May Allah's blessings be with you in this world and the hereafter.

My question is:
Does Islam permits a woman to marry someone who she likes without her father's or uncles permission? If so then can you prove it with any verse from the Quran?

Offline Joseph Islam

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Re: Seeking Permission in Marriage
« Reply #1 on: December 22, 2013, 01:36:34 AM »
Wa alaikum assalam Sister,

In the main, the burden of proof should not be on one to prove a negative. In other words you cannot ask the Quran to prove that something is not required. On the other hand, one should demand proof from the Quran for religious matters that something is required.

Therefore, in the question you have asked, one should provide evidence from the Quran that 'permission' from a particular individual is required for the marriage contract to be valid. The Quran makes no such religious demand.

However, the Quran does place a lot of emphasis on social cohesion. Regardless of the issue of ‘permission’ (which is not required), the marriage contract itself is not deemed a 'private affair' as such but in so many verses gives the implication that it is to be recognised by the public for many reasons. [1]

I think there is much wisdom in keeping families involved to get them on side in important matters such as these. After all, even though one may disagree with them, they often have best interests at heart. It is a question of putting the best arguments forward and remaining persistent. Most people are often stuck in their ways and I would always advise gentle positive persuasion. However, it is also important to recognise that one’s own emotional state may hinder them to see the wider picture which may be of long term benefit for them. Here families can be very important. One's decisions can have very far reaching effects which are not always apparent in the moment when there is a heightened state of emotion.

If all else fails, then of course every human being has a right to decide who they ultimately marry within the boundaries of the Quran's guidance. [1]

I hope that helps, God willing.

Regards,
Joseph


[1] NIKAAH - THE CONTRACT OF MARRIAGE
http://quransmessage.com/articles/nikaah%20FM3.htm
'During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act' 
George Orwell