Dear ShatteredEmblem,
Wa alaikumus salaam,
Thanks for your reactions. Kindly see my replies in blue to your comments.
"Surely, God knows that women also struggle."
I do concur. "Or perhaps it is the way the Muslim community and society at large treats women, their expectations of women, that overshadows this."
Maybe. Given that I don't subscribe to such perspectives, may I please reserve my opinion. My position on this is purely Qur'anic.
"All this surely shows that not everyone is the same. Not all men are polygamous and not all women are monogamous."
Somehow true. As mentioned earlier, in that case, the Qur'an recognizes such differences and provides for/ allows polygyny (not polygamy). It does not sanction it, order it nor discourage it but allows/ provides for it. I understand that we might not agree on this since you see such a provision as just made in the case of fear of unjustly treating orphans. However, if you do acknowledge that polygyny is specifically provided for in the case of unjustly treated orphans, would you then admit that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) married more than one wife (33:28, 33:59) since he also feared not to or possibly used to unjustly treat the orphans? Will you also admit that the option of one wife is in the context of mistreated orphans (4:3) hence also only applies to orphan related situations? Will you then cite another Qur’anic verse which prescribes for the default one wife in generally other situations where orphans are not the main concern?
As a system, in Islam, marriage life is wholly networked such that one breach of a stipulated directive could lead to a disruption in at least one aspect down the chain of related issues. An attempt to insinuate ‘seeming’ other possibilities could result to a whole redefinition of the structure. You posit, “not all women are monogamous." For the case of the discussion, let’s assume polyandry is provided for. Let’s then theoretically assume a case of a deceased husband of a polyandrous wife. How would she cater for her other husbands’ possible needed attention when on a 4 months 10 days waiting period, according to the Qur’an? How would she even emotionally heal if she is to attend to some other households who may possibly need her presence? Other issues to do with other social domains like inheritance may also come up. Kindly think about this."Or that perhaps, the rules were not always the same?"
I do admit that laws could be different amongst nations sent prophets. However, for a particular field of interest, not necessarily that laws should be different. Some laws could still have thrived all along if not overlapping aspects. Otherwise, am yet to even hear from hearsay a case of God acknowledged polyandry case to have ever been there.
"I don't agree with generalizing people."
I concur, people are different. However, as regards certain matters, the Qur'an is specific with the general of a particular group e.g, gender, in this case that of men's 'al-shahawati' to women (3:14). This does not however mean that men have an excuse to entertain lust for women, it is simply an undeniable fact acknowledged by God. Whether one is to accept such a God acknowledged truth is a matter of their faith. After all, with respect to sexual urge, as noted previously, both sexes should exercise self-restraint (wa an taswbiru khairu lakum) - 4:25.
"I don't feel it's fair to just look at the verse about polygamy or even verse 3:14 (isn't the word used there humans/people/mankind?) coupled with society's hypersexual view of men to justify their behaviour, generalize men and women, and victim blame women."
I hope that this is a general statement. Otherwise, as for my stance, I don't think I can put it more clearly than does the verse 14 of Suratul Imran (3). It appears from your approach that you are bent on justifying that anyone who appreciates the fact stated in 3:14 is influenced with certain societal sensibilities. You also misconstrue my position insinuating a masculine 'hypersexual' influence without warrant. Otherwise I do assume that this with the subsequent statement was meant to be general and not what I consider your interpolation of my humble position."Also, those are also two separate verses."
I do agree."3:14 does not speak about orphans."
Nor did I suggest in any way possible that it addresses an orphan oriented context. In as much as it can be disputed that the two verses are unrelated and do address specific subjects, you may want to appreciate why I presented those verses together. After all, respectfully, it was not my intention to expound the subject of polygyny from the Qur'an. Not that my understanding of polygyny as depicted in the Qur'an is wholly evidenced by verse 4:3. I simply thought that you are familiar with the subject and do recognize the verses where it is generally alluded to. You may want to refer to Br. Joseph's article [1] on this where he argues for a similar stance: an allowance, not a sanction. Furthermore, in light of 4:3, the provision/ allowance also comes with it a proviso: that of enabled justice (al-laa ta'dilu)."The verse after that actually speaks of "purified spouses" in Jannah which would apply to both, I think you'll agree."
I do concur. However, the context plays a key role in identifying the gender addressed in 3:14. They were possibly men being mobilized into battlefield. A reminder is made as to the temporary worldly treasures that shall come to waste (3:14) then an assurance to the eternal Bliss is guaranteed for sincere believers (3:15). Though this is again reminded of in 8:28 and reiterated in 8:67 as regards the general worldly pleasures (children and wealth) for people, am yet to find out if you accept those people (an-nas) addressed in 3:14 do include 'women' who are also adorned for the lust of other 'women' (an-Nisai).
"Do you think that it is mere speculation based on "pre-conceived notion" that God allowed polygamy because of men's supposed "sexual nature"? Or did I misunderstand your point?"
I also didn't get your point here. Kindly clarify.
"If we are to speak of "pre-conceived notions of their general world views", then it is often society that leads men to believe they are supposed to have hyper-sexual animal insticts with a lack of control, when some decent men would probably take offence to being described as such."
As stated above, my position in this is taken from the Qur'an. The way I see it, verse 3:14 is clear on this. Refer to my response above."Men can also be a cause of unwanted attention based on their clothing, so decency applies to them too which is not emphasized as much."
I do not fully agree. It is true that men could also cause unwarranted attraction where possible. Verses 24:30-31 as shared above address both genders as regards lowering ones gaze and guarding ones privates (wayahfadhu furujahum). However, I do not see the elucidatory remarks in 24:31 for the ladies to be an emphasis way far as compared to the directive in 24:30 for males. Rather, I find it elaborating on the extent of their decency/ modesty. As much as equality is cited as an aspect to be considered, I do humbly submit that the two sexes have differences in their body physique and 'attractive pockets' hence a difference to how one can be indecently exposed. Thus, a more natural tendency to cause unwarranted attraction for the females is posed if the prescriptions in 24:31 are not fully heeded. Again, this is in line with 33:59.Dear sister, with the idea of
equality, I am not convinced that this is the Qur'anic concept that establishes within familial or social matters. Rather, I find
equity as the theme advanced. Furthermore, while I appreciate your honesty especially with respect to the undermined status of the woman in some Islamic societies, generally speaking, as regards God professed
directives and
provisions, I have to humbly remind one that there’s
sincerity and then there’s
humility. Kindly consider this. Islam is a complete system of life that has a
balanced structure that should be understood, as extending to the basic
rights,
responsibilities and
provisions in all possible areas of a believer’s life. As noted in my previous response, this should be the basic premise.
Regards,
Athman.
REFERENCE:
[1]. MARRYING FOUR WIVES IN ISLAMhttp://quransmessage.com/articles/four%20wives%20FM3.htm
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