Validity of Nikaah

[Seraphina]

Peace be with you dear brothers and sisters,
I haven't been able to be here for a long time, so I pray you're all fine
I would like to ask you (and brother Joseph) regarding nikaah and its validity under some unusual circumstances.
1) Is nikaah valid if ceremony of nikaah between two adults is completed without parents being informed, or are informed but don't approve the union of their children?
2) Is nikaah valid if due to these familiar (and economic) issues the couple can't move in together immediately (meaning they will have to wait for sometime after nikaah before moving in together)?
2) If the couple decides not to consummate the marriage until they are able to move in together, is the marriage still valid? During these times, do they have the liberty to hang out, be alone, etc. from time to time?
To summarize the question: Is their union in nikaah sanctioned by God's law if their parents were not informed/didn't give consent, and have no intimate relations yet until they can move in together?
Looking forward to your answers,
Your sister,
Seraphina

[Joseph Islam]

Dear Seraphina,

As-salamu alaykum

Please see my responses to your questions in red italics:

1) Is nikaah valid if ceremony of nikaah between two adults is completed without parents being informed, or are informed but don't approve the union of their children?

There is no instruction in the Quran that parental consent is necessary once children are independent / of marriageable age. However, given the extreme importance of parental rights and respect that the Quran grants to parents, so much so that after worshiping God, parents are immediately mentioned afterwards as individuals to be kind / good to (2:83; 6:151, 4:36), every step should be taken to attempt to keep parents on board / involved. However, if the situation is extremely dire and all sincere attempts have failed, then of course, parental consent is not a pre-requisite, but they must be dealt with kindness.


2) Is nikaah valid if due to these familiar (and economic) issues the couple can't move in together immediately (meaning they will have to wait for sometime after nikaah before moving in together)?

Nikaah should be consummated to complete the marriage bond. I have discussed this in other posts. Please see below an example of my comments:

"Indeed, the classical sources carry very interesting, wide ranging discussions on whether the term 'nikaah' inherently / primarily signifies coitus.

I personally feel that 'coitus' is somewhat implicit to complete 'nikaah' which seems to be supported by a couple of verses at least.

If we note, 2:235 where the Quran says 'wala ta'zimu uq'data l-nikah hatta ...' which I would loosely translate as 'And do not resolve on the tie / knot of marriage until ...', there is more than a suggestion that coitus would complete the marriage bond (nikaah). This is also then supported by the reduced responsibility of half the return of the dower (2:237) and no 'waiting period' (iddat) if the marriage was not consummated (33:49) and a divorce was pursued. 

So 'coitus' seems to be an inherent part of the process of Nikaah. Therefore, I would posit the argument that albeit 'nikaah' does not mean coitus exclusively, it is a process which carries elements such as intention, a contract, and the intention to consummate which is a requirement to complete the bond. Hence, the interesting classical discussions on the matter." [1]

Therefore, notwithstanding the risk of 'estrangement', it is not advisable in my humble view to initiate a 'nikaah' if the intention is not to form a complete bond in a relatively short time. I do not feel that the Nikaah is 'invalid' as such, but it is not advisable for a number of reasons to remain distant.


3) If the couple decides not to consummate the marriage until they are able to move in together, is the marriage still valid? During these times, do they have the liberty to hang out, be alone, etc. from time to time?

I am not completely sure what you mean by this question and your intended meaning of to 'hang out', but I would strongly advise that Nikaah is performed with the intention to form a complete marriage bond as quickly as possible.

I hope this helps, God willing
Joseph


REFERENCE:

[1] Dowry as a pre-requisite to Marriage and Coitus To Complete the Contract
http://quransmessage.com/forum/index.php?topic=1023.0

[Seraphina]

Alaikum selam dear brother Joseph,
Thank you so much for finding time to answer me although your wise answers satisfy my questions, I felt the need to clarify the part of "hanging out". I've been told by other 'muslims' that a couple without nikaah contract is not permitted to be in each other's company, be it public or in private, they're not allowed to speak to each other at all, let alone have a coffee or a walk together so to speak. By "hanging out" i meant simply that - geting to know each other and spending time together without transgressing the limits of chastity set by God.
I enjoy getting your advices and thoughts on these issues, which i think might be beneficial to other muslim youth as well
May God bless you,
Seraphina

[Hassan A]

Salaam Seraphina,

You stated in your last comment the following:

"I've been told by other 'muslims' that a couple without nikaah contract is not permitted to be in each other's company, be it public or in private, they're not allowed to speak to each other at all, let alone have a coffee or a walk together so to speak."

Me, personally, I find the above claim (made by some) to be ridicules, and find those who circulate such statements to be guilty of seeing grown men and women, who fear God, as little childern who can't control themselves (or rather their sexual urges), in the presence of one another. That said, I would like to share with a good site which refutes such mentality:

http://www.quranicpath.com/misconceptions/lowering_gaze.html

In short, here is what the author of the above link says:

"You {believing men} do nothing wrong when you announce your engagement to women, or when you keep it between yourselves. Allah knows that you will think of them. But do not make secret appointments to see them, UNLESS YOU WILL ENGAGE IN GOOD/CONSCIENTIOUS CONVERSATION. And do not confirm the marital tie until the prescribed (waiting) period (from a previous divorce) is over. Know that Allah knows what is in your minds, so beware of Him, and know that Allah is All-Forgiving, Forbearing." (Qur'an 2:235)

In this verse, Allah shows us that it is permissible for a believing man and a woman to be alone (سراً / secretly) together provided their intentions are correct i.e. قَوْلا مَعْرُوفا (good / conscientious conversations) take place. The verse is in reference to private meetings, therefore, there is no restriction with regards to meetings in public either.

Furthermore, "Allah knows that you will think of them", is an additional indication. This verse is in reference to believing women who have been widowed recently (context from the previous verse) - and believing men who are interested to propose to them for marriage. Since Allah says, "Allah knows that you will think of them", it shows that these arbitrary individuals may have already met, and know each other from the past at a personal level - otherwise, a believing man would not think of her for marriage.

Lastly, the verse, "There is no secret meeting of three, without Him being the fourth, nor of five but He is their sixth - nor of less than that or more, but He is with them, wherever they may be..." (Qur'an 58:7), is the basis of the true believer's faith that Allah's presence encompasses them, and is more worthy of reliance than on any Satanic influence. In the Qur'an, it is stated the Satan has no power over the believers:

"He, [Satan], has no authority over those who believe and put their trust in their Lord. He only has authority over those who take him as a friend and associate others with Allah." (Qur'an 16:99-100).

Therefore, the Satan is not "the third"   when a true believer is alone with a member of the opposite gender, and verse 2:235 shows that there is no blame in being alone with an opposite gender member provided the conversations are grounded on goodness.

[Seraphina]

May the Almighty reward you my brother Hassan, in all of my Quranic studies ive never come to the verse you shared with me the one about marriage proposals. I dont know about elsewhere but muslims of my country are very radical when it comes to opposite gender, proposing someone, or answering a proposal. I was fed up with people's views, i needed God's view so i posted the question here. And i enjoyed the answers, both yours and brorher Joseph's.
May Allah reward you always,
Your sister Seraphina

[Duster]

Shalom / peace ....great thread as usual >>> also I like this article by brother Joseph on righteous mixing>>> http://quransmessage.com/articles/free%20mixing%20or%20righteous%20interaction%20FM3.htm

[Seraphina]

Shalom Duster I'm glad I started a thread which you find great I always try to ask questions whose answers are beneficial to others as well, not just me
Thank you for the link
Seraphina