Truth...

[Bird]

Over the years, I have been incredibly grateful for the articles posted on this website. They shook up much debate within me and created a desperate search for truth.

However recently, this search has ultimately lead me to a state of deep confusion. Not due to the articles, but just within myself. I can't tell what's real from what's false. I cannot tell the difference between right and wrong. It feels as if God is simply a tool I use to address whatever I don't know. I cannot tell with certainty...anything. I don't know why I exist. I don't even know who this 'I' that is asking the question is.

The person I can relate to most would probably be Abraham in the Quran when he asked God to confirm in his heart his existence; yet I feel as if I would not even qualify for a 'confirmation' as opposed to an outright truth.

This deep state of despondence and utter lack of any kind of certainty is really having a massive effect on me. Where I live, I can see people living their lives as if this question of existence has no importance to them whatsoever. If I ask anyone this question, I get responded to with laughs or a strict rebuttal that I should not be thinking about such things. Yet, it still deeply and profoundly impacts me each time no one listens.

I would love it if anyone could offer any guidance and help me with sincerity.
Kind regards,
Winged Bird

[Wakas]

peace,

Welcome to the forum.

I cannot tell the difference between right and wrong.

I find this hard to believe. Are you saying if you were to forcibly take candy from a child, or punch an elderly woman in the face, or smash the windows of your neighbour's house you would feel indifference? It wouldn't stir any feeling within you that you were doing something wrong?

[Bird]

Salam Wakas!

If I did anything like that, I would feel remorse BUT I don't know why. My mind conceives any external act which can harm others as negative - yes - but I really don't know why. Due to this, whenever I'm about to do something that might be considered as 'wrong' by others, my mind will say "Hey, do you even know why this is wrong?" and I will respond with "Not really..." then I will just proceed to do it if no one (as in people) will know.  I guess then, my influence of right and wrong is influenced by society --> a massive problem because that means the only reason I feel guilty is not due to some absolute morality system but a system that is prone to any change (if there concept of morality changes, mine does too). I'm really disturbed by this, because that means whatever anyone thinks as wrong I think as wrong --> a very illogical thing to do which my mind again doubts.

But I guess the main problem I have is with the concept of "The Self". I don't know who I am. Am I my name, my achievements, my goals. What on earth am I? This question is really starting to take a toll on me. If I don't know who I am, then ... I don't even know. This identity we assign ourselves...can that really be 'me' or just my perception?

When I realized this, I went on a quest to search for the answer. The place I guess where I had any clue was by looking at an infant. I observed it closely, wondering what on earth it thought itself as --> no one really had any influence on what it thought it was; therefore, its own perception must be true. I looked, wanting to receive an answer, but then again I left confused.

I then thought "Okay, maybe I'll have a look at a dead body (just an image) and wonder what 'it' was, as at that time any perception it had of itself was removed. I looked through many scenes of death, and yet I was still confused.

I still don't know who 'I' am. I really want an answer. I understand that there is a concept called "Ihsan", whereby you worship God as if you see him, or if that you cannot see him that know that at least he sees you. I really want to get at this stage --> even though I may never know who 'I' am, at least I will know God.

I ask my question with sincerity; I am simply a seeker of truth. If anyone has been at a similar state and figured out what the answer is, please help me. I only seek truth; yet doubt is plaguing my mind.

PS Thanks a million for responding Wakas!

Kind regards,
Winged Bird

[Truth Seeker]

Salaam Bird,

I read your post and I do feel for you.At least you are self reflecting and trying to work things through. I am glad that the articles on quransmessage have helped you in some way and even visiting this forum.

If you haven't done so already, I really do advise that you read the Quran directly in your own language so that you have a full grasp of what God requires of us. It can be very spiritually uplifting and therapeutic when you see those verses of mercy reach out to the reader.

In my personal experience, all the answers about life are found within the Quran and by reading it frequently, faith gets fortified and even rejuvenated. We are here for a test and we must strive to please God and try not to get allured by the temporary life of this World, which in reality is easier said than done.