Salamun Alaikum,
First Question Clarification: The verse makes it clear that if the wife wants to separate, then they cannot have their dower back if they are guilty of open lewdness. Otherwise, they are to be treated kindly implying that until the divorce procedure is fully carried out which is consistent with verse 2:229 (Reain with honour and a reasonable manner) and 65:6. Just because a woman wants a divorce, does not mean they do not have to undergo the full divorce procedure. This is an unwarranted assumption. Both spouses have to follow
the full procedure of reconciliation, iddat, respectful habitation etc. So in summary, if a wife wants a divorce, she needs to be allowed to undertake the procedure and no coercian should be meted out to retain her because of her wealth or what has been given to her (even if it is a heap (qintaran) of gold or wealth 4:20). In other words, life should not be made difficult for her on this account. However, she still needs to undergo the full divorce process (arbitration etc as shown in my illustration below).
Second Question: With regards polygyny (not polygamy), what proof can you kindly provide that the Quran even stipulates a specific number? Do you feel that there is convincing proof that the Quran is remotely interested in stipulating a number of wives in any situation? If you respectfully do (traditionally 4), then I would have to respectfully disagree with this interpretation of 4:3, citing the following evidence:
MARRYING FOUR WIVES IN ISLAMhttp://quransmessage.com/articles/four%20wives%20FM3.htm As I am sure you will agree, we should not try to 'interpret' the Quran to fit our 21st Western concepts. The Quran came to a community in an era in which polygyny (not polygamy) was widely practiced. The simple fact is that the Quran never outlawed it but in various parts of the Quran confirms the practice. Some modern 21st century scholars have a huge problem with this and have unjustifiably in my humble opinion tried to 'reinterpret' these verses
without any warrant. As you will no doubt agree, we should allow the Quran to speak for itself. If we want the Quran to say what we want it to say, then we might as well write another scripture.
I hope that helps, God willing.
Regards,
Joseph.
QURANIC DIVORCEhttp://quransmessage.com/articles/divorce%20FM3.htm