Wa alaikum assalam
Please kindly see my responses in red italics below.
Salaam
I hope you are fine.
Lately, there’s been a query in mind regarding the issue of polygamy in Islam. I’m assuming you are referring to polygyny and not polygamy. Well, I agree on this that societal circumstances in that era might not be easily appreciated if we strictly analyze them through modern lens. Societal circumstances can have a number of factors that can influence it such as demographics, cultural norms, expectations etc. It remains noteworthy that even in the ‘modern world’; there are cultures and environments which may not differ that much from the nations / communities of yore. For example, there were very liberal societies in antiquity that would surprise ‘modern sensibilities’. There could be quite conservative cultures today that would be apt in comparison to those in the past. Communities and circumstances can be very complex and may overlap in sensibilities. Something I feel we must appreciate, when we speak about ‘modern lens’ i.e. what do we actually mean by it.
However, there does appear a sense of injustice to women when the husband is permitted to share his love among wives. There is not one verse in the Quran which expects a man to share his love amongst his wives in an equitable manner. The requirement is to do justice.
Then there is this matter of self-constraint. What really makes a man to marry again? Fulfillment of urges? Not necessarily, albeit it can be argued that if a particular man may not remain monogamous and his inclination would be to otherwise cause sin in a particular situation, it would be far more appropriate to take on the full responsibilities within the ambit of marriage which includes financial support, rights to inheritance, equitable treatment etc. This level of responsibility could even act as a deterrence and avoid some of the sin / debauchery and desensitisation of extra marital affairs that have become arguably quite commonplace in the ‘modern world’.
However, other situations may include complex circumstances where women would otherwise become vulnerable or exposed, complexities arising within equally complex family structures and a host of other reasons which would be outside the scope of this response. From a believers perspective, this is an option (though not explicitly encouraged) that has been allowed by God in His infinite wisdom.
Obviously there are other ways to help women apart from marrying them. Why isn’t there emphasis on loyalty to one spouse for man? In the ambit of marriage, a husband can arguably be loyal to a number of women as long as his loyalty is equated with equitable / fair treatment. If you imply loyalty as a reference to a man remaining monogamous, then this is more than hinted to in verse 4:3, where the recommendation is to marry one partner if equitable treatment cannot be met.
A person can live a sane life without having any intimacy with opposite gender then what’s the need of polygamy and that too, just for males? With respect, I do not feel that you can make such a generalised statement about humankind. There are many diverse human beings on the planet today and have lived throughout the ages (both men and women) with different inclinations, needs and desires. For so many of them, intimacy could well be a requirement for them, without which, they feel vulnerable, exposed and incomplete.
As far as implicitly questioning (arguably God’s decision) why women have not been allowed multiple male partners in wedlock, I trust that you can appreciate the multifaceted challenges this would bring without me requiring to elucidate.
A second discussion is about your article on Marriage with the People of Book. Okay, I agree that there’s a clear difference in their beliefs from ours. But I would like to highlight another aspect, and I am sure you also share this sentiment, that a majority of Muslims today don’t really know about their own religion and we are somehow separated from People of the Book just by this ‘label’ of religion. I concur.
I still struggle with certain elements of faith even though I feel that I am getting closer. Now I am not at this point arguing about Muslim marrying a Christian. I am concerned about Muslim marrying a Muslim!!! This is a point I have always agreed with in essence. I mean how can one be sure of another’s faith? One can never be completely sure of another's faith and one is not expected to, other than reasonable discernment if the need arises. However, the Quran does have some practical advice that it expects to be utilised as a litmus test to provide some ability to gauge another’s level of faith. Certain elements of belief (60:12) are arguably included as well as an expectation of adherence of certain practices such as Salah and Zakat (9:11).
You are free to marry someone because he or she was born a Muslim and just this ‘label’ of Islam is sufficient for you to make him/her your spouse. Unfortunately, this has become far too commonplace and I agree with you, the gist of this approach appears to be incongruent with Quranic teachings or the essence of Islam.
For example, there may indeed be Unitarian Christians, or chaste practicing Jewish individuals that may be far more God conscious than those that were simply born ‘Muslims’ or as you say, carry such a label.
In all circumstances however, I would strongly recommend that when considering a suitable partner for marriage, it would be wholly one’s responsibility to discern well the suitability as a life partner both in matters of faith / belief and righteousness. I personally would avoid superficial cultural expectations which one does not feel does justice to the essence of Islam and correct principles.
I look forward to your response.