how do you define "dating" and "flirting" ?

[ilker]

Assalamu alaikum guys,

I want to know your opinions on "getting to know each other" before the marriage.

How do you define "dating" or "flirting" ? Do these always include forbidden actions / intimacy ?

Is it haraam in Islam to meet someone to have some time and learn about each other's personalities ? What are the limits ?

Is "arranged marriage" the only halal/legal way ?


Eid Mubarak

[Anjum]

Salam Ilker..

I dont think..Arrange marriage is the only way in Islam...you may get to know whoever you want to know...but you should keep in mind about decency and avoid any intimacy or indecent acts before marriage...i guess its simple.....

Eid Mubarak...

Regards,
Anjum

[Hamzeh]

Asalamu Alykum

Insha'Allah this article maybe helpful to your question.

FREE MIXING OR RIGHTEOUS INTERACTION?
http://quransmessage.com/articles/free%20mixing%20or%20righteous%20interaction%20FM3.htm

Peace

[Seraphina]

Selam aleikum Ilker,
A similar question was asked by me and by another reader some time ago. Use the search engine for the posts "validity of nikaah" and "nikaah for the purposes of courting", and see b.Joseph's responses there (and others).  I will post the links as soon as i am able to.
Kind regards, Seraphina

[deleted]

Peace. Those responses Seraphina mentioned: here, and here

[ilker]

alaikum salam all

Alhamdulillah guys thank you for your answers MashaALLAH

[Seraphina]

Peace. Those responses Seraphina mentioned: here, and here

Thank you Eliiah. For some reason i was unable to provide the links, they wouldnt upload.
Ilker, i hope i could help

[Hassan A]

Salaam ilker,

You asked:

How do you define "dating" or "flirting" ? Do these always include forbidden actions / intimacy ?

Dating definitely does not carry the same meaning for Muslims as it does for non-Muslims, especially Westerners. Touching, kissing, and similar actions are, of course, regarded to be haram therefore they are prohibited until two people are considered legally and religiously married. Meeting, going out together and talking, on the other hand, are of course allowed because two people need the opportunity to familiarize themselves with each other and "fall in love".

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I want to know your opinions on "getting to know each other" before the marriage.

Is it haraam in Islam to meet someone to have some time and learn about each other's personalities ? What are the limits?

I find no reason (nor any prohibition in the Quran) why future spouses can't / shouldn't meet one another in an attempt to get to know one another better so as to decide if they are 'right' for each other. I believe the following verse supports this:

"You {believing men} do nothing wrong when you announce your engagement to women, or when you keep it between yourselves. Allah knows that you will think of them. But do not make secret appointments to see them, UNLESS YOU WILL ENGAGE IN GOOD/CONSCIENTIOUS CONVERSATION. And do not confirm the marital tie until the prescribed (waiting) period is over. Know that Allah knows what is in your minds, so beware of Him, and know that Allah is All-Forgiving, Forbearing." (Qur'an 2:235)

The above verse seems to be implying that it is permissible for a believing man and a woman to be alone (سراً / secretly) together provided their intentions are correct i.e. قَوْلا مَعْرُوفا (good / conscientious conversations take place).

Furthermore, the words: "Allah knows that you will think of them", is an additional indication. Since Allah says, "Allah knows that you will think of them", it shows that these arbitrary individuals may have already met, and know each other from the past at a personal level - otherwise, a believing man would not think of her for marriage.[1]

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Is "arranged marriage" the only halal/legal way ?

Certainly not. The Quran doesn't lay out how a marriage should come about; it is simply silent on this matter. And as brother Joseph Islam has so often alluded to: When it comes to the Quran, silence does not mean absence; It means fluidity and option. Those matters / issues, such as this one, which the Quran is silent on is meant to allow the ummah (community) the freedom and flexibility to best decide how to approach a given issue. The Quran does not intend to address every possible human scenario and prescribe a religious edict to it. It provides necessary guidance, where necessary, for one to take from it the best meaning (39:18), apply it to the best of one's abilities (64:16) and not to unduly complicate religion without warrant.
So with respect to meeting ones potential spouse, any method which does not contravene the Qurans message (on this matter) is acceptable; regardless of whichever method is practiced in a particular community / culture women must never be inherited against their will (See: Quran 4:19).

[1] http://www.quranicpath.com/misconceptions/lowering_gaze.html